My Own Private Penance

           Why is it that when we sin we feel the need to somehow make up for it? This is fascinating to me. We may wrong a person, or lose our temper, or lust, or fall into gluttony, and often times when these sins occur in our lives there is an immediate reaction to try and make up for it.  We often think, “Wow, look at what I did! I really don’t deserve to do anything fun today…I am completely unworthy of praying to God or serving in His church, going out with friends or taking some alone time for myself. I am just so rotten! I am not worthy of anyone’s love or grace because of what I have done.”

            Sound familiar?

           

            My wife is a woman who is full of grace towards me, and this comes out especially when I do or say something rude to her. I know exactly when I have let my flesh out towards her, and afterwards, I feel so silly because I know that it is not how I am meant to live. But I also find that when I have let my flesh out (usually impatience) I am tempted to reject my wife’s love for me after the fact. For some reason, I feel so unworthy of it almost as if her loving me this way simply is not fair, and I need to reject it to keep the scales even.

            While rejecting love and grace filled acts towards us sometimes feels right, what we are really doing is inflicting a subtle type of penance towards ourselves. We often think “I have been bad. I must make up for it.” This seems especially true for Christians at times. We feel that when we sin, we suddenly become unworthy of God’s grace and must do something to make ourselves worthy. But the reality is that grace has never been about fairness: grace is not fair, and by definition, it never will be.

            Essentially what we are doing when we deny Christ’s work in the midst of our failure is enacting our own private penance. Sure, we may not be hitting ourselves with a whip, but we each have our own “whips” that we try and use in the midst of failure. Sometimes my whip is agreeing with the thought that I am too dirty to make an impact in the kingdom. As I said above, another whip I use is the denial of my wife’s love for me in the midst of failure. Whatever our weapon, penance is a flagrant attack on the work of Christ. He has already done everything needed for our “worthiness.” He has already done everything needed to “make up” for our sins. There is no room for penance in true Christianity.

            Hebrews tells us why.

            “For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified.” Hebrews 10:14

            So how has Christ perfected those who are sanctified (set apart)? By one offering: Himself. True Christianity leaves no room for penance because Jesus has done it all. We are perfect because our sins have been forever taken away. Sure we may feel stupid when we sin (this isn’t a bad thing necessarily), or we may feel unworthy of such a beautiful gift of grace. But what sets Christianity apart in the world is that it is not about giving people what they deserve. It is about accepting Christ and His work as a free gift.

Why is Christianity the narrow path that is entered through the “narrow gate” (Matthew 7:13)? Because people have to come to the end of their self-righteousness and private penances, and receive the free gift of grace. We must all recognize Jesus, and Jesus alone, as the one and only means of our “perfection” and righteousness before God. There is no sin for which we must perform penance. There is no sin that is too big for the work of Christ. We must learn to rest in this finished work without any attempt to doctorate it up by man-made religion. Like it or not, when we add to the work of Christ, we are saying that He is not enough for us, and that His work needs to be doctored up a bit so that it is sufficient.

This is very dangerous ground indeed.